|NEW JERSEY --
All-Star Center Dikembe Mutombo was indicted by the district attorney today in the
dual unsolved deaths of "hustle" and "love of the game". This
indictment ends the longest unsolved crime in the league since Allen Iverson's notorious
arrest on charges of impersonating a franchise player.
surrender himself at his lavish East Side mansion, Mutombo was quoted as saying
"Cookie, cookie, cookie" when questioned by ace niggaslike.us reporter, Emilio
Mr. Mutombo, who fled persecution in his homeland to live in the
relative freedom of America, has been appointed a public defender as he is unable to
provide for his own lawyer given his recently mounting bills to help settle his indentured
servitude contract upon entering the NBA.
Responding to public outcry that his client may be unable to obtain a
fair trial in the predominately Knick-friendly 47th Federal District, Attorney for the
Accused Kevin Garnett fired back at reporters "Look at all dem words! Where do I sign
to get the money?!" Powerful words indeed, but not enough to quench this reporter's
thirst for knowledge.
By "bribing" a "security guard" with
"drugs", I was able to sneak into the locker-room office of Mr. Garnett and ask
him the tough questions I know Escobar's readers have come to expect. Not since Capone's
vault has so much been unearthed in one journalistic outting!
"Reading is fundamental, and I is been reading a lot of stuffs on my clientitude,
Mr. Mutombo, and we be confident in a victory in the courts today!"
Questioned in his holding cell just minutes before his trial was
set to begin, Mr. Mutombo seemed less confident of his odds with
a stern "Cookie, cookie, cookie" for the swarm of reporters
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