The NBA. Phenomenal.
By: Jim Rome
What is up? Van Smack in the house. Waiting. For your calls. You know
the number. Clones, do yourselves a favor; don’t call me today.
I have interviews. I have takes. They do not suck. What is your excuse.
OK, Terrence from Sierra Madre is on the line. Terrence, what is up?
Jim, just gotta say how much I love the show. What is
up with Steve Nash? Have you seen dude’s forehead? And what is up
with the Lakers? More like Fakers if you ask me. Do you see what I did
there? Also, Van Smack, gotta give some props to Bug-aha. The reason I
call it that instead of Omaha is beyond me. Your show has so much smack,
Jim. Can you believe it? Karl Malone. Wow. I mean, what is THAT? Alright
Romey, I’m out.
Rack ‘em. That
is one thing I will say. Karl Malone. What are you THINKING? Dude
can’t just walk up to LA and say “Hey, let’s ride”.
Karl, you CAN’T do that. Clones, that was a real call. I can’t
even tell you. How much. It bugs me to have to sit and listen to
you clones go on. And on. Just. I have better things to do. Back
to the NBA. What are the Lakers thinking? Can’t LA do something?
Can’t they bring in a coach that can coach and win championships?
I guess that is a bit much to ask. And what the hell is up with
Shaq? I’ve said for years and years that Shaq is just an overrated
and overweight piece of GARBAGE. I am Van Smack and I say things
that nobody else dares to say. What other radio host would insult
Shaq? Heh. Phenomenal. That was so fresh. See, clones. When I give
a take it does not suck. I may have said the same thing 30 times
in the past hour but it’s still great. That’s the difference
between us, clones. I make the takes and you suck. Back to the callers.
Willie in KC, what is up?
behind me symbolizes my utter disregard for our society! Isn't that
just outrageous or what?"
Thanks for the vine, Van Smack! War getting stuck in traffic.
War falling down on the job while earning minimum wage and me
sitting on the couch listening to your show and clinging to a
very small existence that is me thinking up calls to memorize
to validate myself. Dwight Howard? What is THAT? Maybe if the
Orlando Magic could get off their ASSSSSSSSSSS then they could
draft better. I’m out.
Rack ‘em. Another. Quality call from Willie. In KC. Heh.
You know, clones. I sit in the mirror every morning and just about
cry because of this image that I portray. I think to myself, “Wow,
Jim. If I could have just made it into the industry as my own
person and not this shitty gimmick then I really could’ve
had inner peace.” Heh. That is great. Could you imagine?
Wow. Phenomenal. At the bottom of the hour I will announce who
gets the 980th tour stop. It stopped being prestigious and lost
all credibility a long time ago when we started giving the ducats
out for free. I haven’t mentioned his name in this hour
so I’ll go ahead and say it. Kareem Abdul-Jablunt. Heh.
That’s great. Oh. Looks like the clones busted out on the
hard-ass sports talk radio host that looks like he's 12 years old."
Do you need a drivers ed teacher?
That has to be our HUGE e-mail of the day. Quality. Wow. I like to krinkle
up pieces of paper and throw them around and act as though they were real
letters but they’re e-mails so it really doesn’t make any
sense but this is radio and my whole life is a big lie. Bang your monkey.
Thanks, Shaq. You see clones; that was a nice interview
that wasn’t spoiled by you. There was nobody calling in and telling
their jokes. It was just me attempting to interview a man that I just
insulted. I know that I would never have the balls to confront him on
that issue so I just pretend it never happened. I’m just a shrimpy
radio host and this is what I do: sit here and act like I’m a tough
guy. Bang your monkey. I’m out. War tour stops and war 2nd chances