The Pistons Get No Respect
By: Detroit Pistons fans
Just a mere 2 months
since our beloved Detroit Pistons have won the NBA championship
and knocking off the supposed (we are really rolling our eyes here!)
greatest team ever assembled known as the Los Angeles Lakers, Detroit
is no longer the favorite to become the next great dynasty. How
can this be? Who on Earth is controlling the media? I guess you
guys didn’t see the NBA finals! They won, you know. They won
4 games to 1 and the Lakers were lucky to even win that 1 game if
you ask us. This is such an outrageous assumption and we really
feel that other NBA fans don’t know what they’re talking
Now some fans may say that Detroit limped into
the NBA finals and was lucky to get there in the first place. LOL!!!
What a bunch of stupid bullshit that is, let me tell you what! Sure,
it may be true that Jason Kidd almost single-handedly took that
rotten Nets team to the eastern conference finals on one leg but
I mean whatever, you know? The Nets are yesterday’s news and
holding opponents to 68 points a game is what’s really good
for the NBA now. Those old Nets always like to take advantage of
“easy” baskets. Well let me tell you something New Jersey;
there is no such thing as an “easy” basket in the NBA!
Detroit will make you work for every point you may luckily score
and that’s how it’s going to be for a long time suckers!
even call it a basketball they should just call it a Detroit Piston
because we own it!"
Detroit boasts the greatest
defense to ever slap and prod on any NBA court if you ask us. Whether
it’s Tayshaun Prince flailing around like an ugly malnutritioned
monkey or Rasheed Wallace pretending like he cares or even Chauncey
Billups acting like he knows what he’s doing; the point is
that the Pistons are a force on these courts. If you can’t
score 70 points in an NBA game then you just suck, am I right? So
what if we can’t score 70 either? We scored 69 and you only
scored 65 so you suck and we don’t. Did you know that NBA
teams used to score a lot less points a long time ago and basketball
was still really good back then so I'm sure Detroit could beat them
too. The Pistons are just way awesome and it's beyond explanation.
Watching the Pistons lock up a team that couldn't score to begin
with is just a joy to see. It's like watching a cat strangle a struggling
mouse that already has a broken foot or something. Who doesn't enjoy
good defense? A big jerk, that's who.
the earing honestly looks pretty good =)"
What a lot of people
don’t know is that our offense really isn’t that bad.
Ben Wallace is actually a very accomplished scorer from up to three
feet away from the basket and has a wide variety of low-post moves
that would make Eric Montross drool all over his massive chin. Also,
Corliss Williamson. Corliss Williamson. Let me repeat the name so
you know who just scored on your ass: Corliss Williamson. The thing
we love about The Big Nasty is how he can take any ordinary shot
and turn it into an adventure. It’s his way of showing us,
the fans, that scoring is too easy for him and he needs to make
it challenging. What’s the fun in winning by 50 points every
game, right? Being the dynasty we are and all I think it’s
a pretty cool thing. James Edwards and John Salley used to do the
same thing 15 years ago and we think it’s awesome that Corliss
is carrying on that tradition. Huh? He got traded? Oh, well screw
him then! Pistons Nation always thought he was just a ball hog and
never did anything good for the team when he was on the floor. Did
you ever hear of playing the game the right way, Corliss? We don’t
think you did! Corliss has always been a huge hinderance to our
team and we are all welcoming newcomer Derrick Coleman to our already-talented
frontline full of former superstars. Can you imagine if they all
got injured? I mean, Rasheed had his problems last season while
Antonio McDyess has neverending knee problems and Coleman, himself,
battles grotesque obesity among other things. Could this come back
to haunt us? Pfffft, not even a concern. Last time I checked we
still had Darvin Ham.
will finally provide the low post leadership Detroit has been sorely
lacking! Thanks, Corliss!"
with Wallace and Williamson we have our money clutch players in
Richard Hamilton and Chauncey Billups, otherwise known as the Best
Backcourt Ever. Billups is known for not being a “real”
point guard, whatever that is! When we ask people to define what
a real point guard is they immediately mention Jason Kidd. Earth
to stupid NBA fan! Kidd didn’t even score against us in game
7 of the eastern conference semifinals! God, some people are so
stupid it makes me want to just cry out in the name of Vinnie Johnson
(The Microwave, for some of you Nets fans!). What we think a real
point guard does is win ball games and if you were watching then
you would notice that Detroit won 16 playoff games last season!
I mean sure we had some trouble against Milwaukee, a team that had
no business being in the playoffs to begin with, but we were just
rusty. And we know that New Jersey almost beat us but so what? We
didn’t ALMOST beat them, did we? Nope! And don’t even
make us bring up Indiana because those guys just stink like something
rotten. Once again, we are rolling our eyes here and our eyes have
actually fallen into the back of our heads because they have rolled
that far. No joke.
"6 years and
$35 million for 6 feet and 35 missed shots a game!"
The other thing that made this team so special was that
lovable group of CBA rejects known as our bench. It was so great to see
Darvin Ham come in for 30 seconds and just win games for us with 30 seconds
left in the first half and Tayshauun Prince on the bench with 3 fouls
for slapping someone and calling it defense. It was really neat to see
Lindsey Hunter run around the court trying to keep up with fellow CBA
reject Damon Jones and a one-legged Jason Kidd and then get praised for
being a shut-down defender. The job that Hunter did on Indiana’s
explosive set of point guards was simply remarkable. The group of Jamaal
Tinsley, Kenny Anderson, and Anthony Johnson will strike fear into any
other point guard but they must not be drinking from the same fountain
of youth that Lindsey drinks from! But if someone were to squeak by this
tenacious 6 footer then Pistons Nation feels safe knowing that reserve
big man Elden Campbell is there to pick up the foul and then stick his
head out much like an ugly black goose.
And lastly, there is
Darko Milicic. Pistons Nation loved to refer to Darko as the human
victory cigar but he was much more than that. When the #2 overall
pick in the draft wasn’t sitting in his hotel room feverishly
masturbating to hard-core pornography or attempting to pierce his
own ears, Darko worked very hard on his game. Being only 18 years
old and having a hype machine behind him that almost nobody understood,
Milicic took NBA garbage time by storm. Picking up a minute here
and a foul there, Darko quickly learned that life in the NBA is
not an easy one! Detroit fans from all over the world admired him
as he would air ball a six-foot jumper and then pretend like he
did not understand English when Larry Brown would sit him down.
Although we did win the NBA championship the Pistons
Nation would like to say that Larry Brown sucks. Sure, he may have
won the NBA title for a rotten city that barely appreciates anything
and lives in a delusional world filled with Barry Sanders comebacks
and ramblings of some sort of sport called “hockey”.
However, he didn’t put Mike James in enough when Chauncey
Billups wasn’t playing well and he completely forgot about
Mehmet Okur in the NBA finals. What the hell kind of coach is that?
A pretty bad one if you ask us!
"What do you have against