An NBA Party!
By: Emilio Escobar
LeBron James’ commercial is about 18 years too long.
Do you think Darko Milicic even noticed that he’s not playing? Or do you think he’s still in his hotel room staying up all night ordering porn? Why didn’t his euro team hold him hostage in return for indoor plumbing? How long until he just becomes an alcoholic or just gets disgustingly fat?
Are Clippers fans excited about Glen Rice’s possible return???? Oh.
Someone needs to put a leash on Tyson Chandler because he looks like he’s ready to block someone’s shot and then rip their wrist off their hand and feed on the blood until midnight strikes. What the fuck is his problem? I’ve heard of being “passionate” about the game but he’s just nuts. How long until he becomes Ron Artest? One year, two years tops.
Doesn’t Kenny Thomas look like Nate Dogg?
We have run in a whole new era! Usually Bill Walton only sucks the Lakers players’ dicks but now he is all over LeBron James. In fact, Bill couldn’t even wait until an overtime game between the Knicks and Magic had ended. “Today is a special day for each and every one of us; for it is LeBron James’ first game.” Yeah, Bill. It ranks right up there with the couple times last week when I took a clean shit and didn’t need to wipe or anything. I was just as ecstatic as I am now about LeBron. He might end up being Michael Jordan or Magic Johnson or Peter Gabriel but for right now the kid looks brutal every other game. Are the Cavs going to be what the Wizards were last year: The horrible team with one marquee player that the league just has to show over and over? I’m just waiting on LeBron to blow out his ACL now and make the NBA look retarded.
If I were a GM and I was just trying to figure out which players might turn out to be a draft bust so I’d know who not to draft, I’d ask the Warriors who they’re taking. I mean, wow. Just picture this as your starting lineup of Warriors draft busts:
The sixth man can be Adonal Foyle and Clifford Rozier could coach or something. Special guest referee will be Chris Washburn.
Now, who can be the starting lineup of players who Golden State has traded, you ask? Well, that lineup looks a lot better:
C-Robert Parish (Him and the draft pick used to get Kevin McHale for
Joe Barry Carroll)
Emilio Escobar is a contributing editor at niggaslike.us
He can be reached at email@example.com