Knicks Are a Bunch of Faggot 8 Year Olds
By: Emilio Escobar


New York has had many excuses for losing over the years. Scott Layden. Bad contracts. An undersized front line. Isiah Thomas. Malik Rose. Isiah Thomas. Scott Layden.

The Knicks’ latest excuse, however, has baffled both insiders and fans alike.

Reportedly, Eddy Curry spent the night in Nate Robinson’s hotel room in Oklahoma City after he watched Tooth Fairy, the latest film starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, in which Mr. Johnson is forced into becoming a tooth fairy.

"That movie is crazy,” stated adult/big-league doofus Eddy Curry. “I mean, he’s just flying around. What if he came into my room? What if The Rock elbowed or punched me while I was sleeping?”

Pundits are puzzled by the portly pork panda ramblings, as are most people who are not professional basketball players.

“What the fuck is with that team? Are they complete morons?” asked a small business owner in Crown Heights, Brooklyn. “I can only go to a few games a year and the Knicks have been so bad over the past few years that I’d really rather not go. I just love watching basketball. But if they have a bunch of overpaid superstitious faggots on that team, and I’m paying them, I guess I’m the idiot.”

Knicks coach Mike D’Antoni was equally perplexed by New York’s big man.

"They might as well be scared of ghosts" stated a dejected, logic-driven Mike D'Antoni.

The rest of the team has followed suit in being scared of make-believe fairy tales, as other teammates shared that they could only sleep for 2 to 3 hours wrestling with the thought of a miniature wrestler taking their dead baby teeth.

“I can’t really understand it. Of course, I am a grown man so I do not believe in such silly things. I tried to explain that to my guys but they just kept rubbing their crucifix necklaces and tugging on their Bibles like they were their mothers’ nipples. What can I do?”

The Knicks lost to the Thunder, 106-88, to fall further down the NBA’s Eastern Conference playoff standings.

LeBron James was not found for comment.