Hayward runs Sloan Out of Town
By: Emilio Escobar


A somber day in Salt Lake City has turned into mayhem after Joseph Smith’s favorite coach, Jerry Sloan, called a press conference to let a fragile world know that he will be stepping down from his position as the longest-tenured coach in the National Basketball Association. As the general of one of the most successful professional basketball teams of the past 25 years, Sloan racked up win after win for teams that usually had no business having more points than its opposition as the final horn sounded. Hot Rod Hundley would let us know about John Stockton’s gaudy assist totals, Karl Malone’s usual 30 points, and Greg Ostertag doing his best to keep the game from getting too exciting.

Year after year, success and a winning attitude would be sitting right next to Sloan, whispering into his ear to let him know which play would be the winner. Butter would be churned; a boy would get his first bicycle, a dog his first collar. So goes the average day in Utah. Seemingly everything told you and I that February 10, 2011 would be no different.

Then again, who would’ve known that a kid from Butler would have thrown a wrench into the finely-tuned machine known as the Utah Jazz?

According to reports, Gordon Hayward pushed the beloved Jazz coach to the brink of resignation several times and, depending on how much stock you put into several other news outlets, he may have even done so before Hayward was even drafted by the team.

Gordon Hayward, shortly after murdering a team but before potentially murdering a community.

Various media have reported different spins but this insider has gathered the following crucial pillars to this colossal story:

During a private workout, Sloan’s staff pitted Hayward against other potential NBA draftees, as per usual. Now that the Utah coach is no longer active, this insider feels confident in revealing the team’s ‘secret’ when it comes to evaluation of prospects. Gordon Hayward was pitted against Wesley Johnson in a heated game of mini Nerf basketball when Johnson went up for a critical block with the score tied at 5. However, the block was an obvious goaltending violation. Hayward called the violation and Sloan loved the heady play of his soon-to-be lottery pick, reaching over the other 29 teams that had assumed he would go undrafted to pluck him from Butler.

Shortly thereafter, chaos unfolded and the Utah faithful have, reportedly, been given hush money by the team to keep Hayward’s behavior out of the mainstream press.

-First, it was the failed drug test immediately after his selection in the 2010 NBA Draft. Reportedly, Hayward and a few companions of the night retreated to the local Chuck de la Fromage night club in downtown Salt Lake City where he walked out on his rather sizeable Sangria bill.

-Shortly thereafter, Hayward ran into Cleveland Cavaliers color commentator Austin Carr during a Summer League contest. After Carr congratulated the new pro on being drafted, Hayward told Carr that he could not understand a word he said, saying he sounds like he ‘has a mouthful of watermelon.’

Shortly before the unnamed young lady's body was found in a nearby ditch. The body was beaten so badly that it cannot be identified. Hayward's reaction: "Are you going to ask me about the game?"

-According to a Jazz beat writer, Gordon Hayward feels insulted by the organization because, as a lottery pick and college superstar, he feels that he should be a featured part of the offense. As quoted by the player himself, “I got us to the national championship last year so… you figure it out.

- Hayward is being sued by a woman who claims a bejeweled pendant she bought for $5 at a garage sale was taken from her after Hayward and up to eight others trapped her in an Akron, Ohio, home, TMZ.com reports. The woman, 19-year-old Vaneisha Robinson, was previously a suspect in the theft of the $10,000 pendant, which features Hayward's moniker "Ole Dirty Gordon" and his jersey number. Robinson claims that after Hayward found out she had the pendant, he arranged a meeting at an Akron home. Hayward would then make Robinson an offer for the pendant. Instead, Robinson alleges it was all a set-up to have the pendant forcefully taken from her. She says Hayward was never present at the house, but 8-9 others were. TMZ reports that Robinson's suit alleges the group kept her in the house against her will until she'd hand over the pendant. She is suing for $500,000 in damages.

-Upon being arrested for his third DUI offense in a month, Hayward complained that the Utah Highway Patrol was singling him out as a star athlete and demanded to have their badge numbers. They were fired the next day. When he was reprimanded by Utah management for the offenses, this happened the day afterward.

-Maverick Carter has refused to represent Gordon Hayward, releasing a statement saying "There are some things in this league I just can't be a party to."

In the present time, Gordon Hayward is now fighting off rumors that he has forced Jerry Sloan out as head coach amid these myriad stories. Who is to say what is happening behind closed doors? Not you or I. We are above this.

Due to Jazz management, this is the only evidence of Hayward's apparent violent rampage on the planet.

What we are not above is telling the truth. We will not be bullied by Gordon Hayward or Mormons.


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