NBA Draft Preview!
By: The Insider

Emilio’s note: The Insider is somewhat of a new writer we have brought aboard to this site. He used to be an NBA GM back in the 1980’s for a very prominent western conference team and he still has very tight connections within the league. We here at NLU consider it a treat when he finds the time to write for us.

Hello faithful readers of Niggas Like Us. I am in Europe right now scouting a lot of prospects that are tall and can shoot really good so lets get to it with who I think will end up being picked and everything ok?

1 - Orlando Magic - Eureka Okafor: I really think that Okafor is a good player and that he will become like Shaq in a year because he is really strong and he can life a lot of weight over his head like a jack o lantern box of crates have you seen him play last year he was amazing.

2 – Charlotte – Dwight Howard: I think the Clippers take Super Christian Mega Superstar Dwight Howard here because oh wait its Charlotte never mind let me do that over again I think they still might take Howard though I’m not sure. Anyway I don’t even think Charlotte has any players yet this is kind of stupid why would you let them into the league without players I don’t really understand that. Something tells me Charlotte has something up their sleeve it’s just a gut feeling I have.

"Not in my castle, Eureka!"

3 – Chicago – Louie Deng: People always say that Chicago needs a good player and he is a good player so that is why I think they will take him and also he played for Duke and Duke really sucks but Deng is pretty good because he only played at Duke for one year so Coach Jerkjewski can’t screw him up that much.

4 - LA Clippers – The Clippers are probably just going to not take anyone or trade this pick because I think they have given up all hope and Donald Sterling might sell the pick for a piece of cheesecake because he really likes cheesecake and Los Angeles but I guess I’ll say umm I don’t know I’ll leave this blank and get back to it later I mean it doesn’t even really matter really oh wait I’ll say that Livingston kid he looks good.

5 – Washington – Michael Jordan: The Wizards give up their pick and give it to Jordan. Jordan then gambles it away on a horse that he has a good feeling on and the Wizards are stuck without a pick. Jordan comes back and plays for another year until he is traded to Sacramento for some soul food and a very special night with Tyra Banks. Tyra takes pictures and sues Michael for $5 million 10 years later.

6 – Atlanta – Atlanta gets in a fist fight over Dwight Howard with the Clippers and whatever the Charlotte team is called. The Hawks trade away one of their fists away to Charlotte, who ends up winning the fight. Danny Ainge demands to be included in the trade as a salary cap dump. Atlanta takes some other high school loser but it doesn’t matter because they all fucking suck so lets just say it’s that JR Smith guy ok?

7 – Phoenix – Devin Harris: The Suns need a point guard pretty bad since Leandrininihobo Barbiebosa isn’t really doing that good and that Milo Otis guy in Europe is not coming over so they need Devin Harris who is not really a point guard but he is pretty good I think.

8 – Toronto – Andre Bidriens: He is really tall and he is white so he will go over very well with Toronto. The Raptors love drafting 7-foot nobodies and then stashing them away so nobody ever hears from them ever again.

"I am going to take the NBA by storm with my perimeter game! When I dunk on someone I say "CRUCIFIED!"

9 – Philadelphia – Reece Gaines: Since he didn’t play last year I think Philadelphia will pick Reece Gaines and then they will play him and make him a good point guard because Orlando couldn’t do it. I also think that the 76ers will trade Allan Iverson finally and he will go to Detroit for Cordless Williamson and someone else I can’t say yet it’s a secret.

10 – Cleveland – Marko Battaglia: I saw him play once here in Europe (don’t you remember I am in Europe watching these guys play basketball duh) and he did really well he was really big and he looked strong but that is what we in the business call “an NBA body” I know you guys wouldn’t know that but that’s ok that is why I am here after all so just trust me on this one.

11 - Golden State – Pablo Podvokoziddde: He is almost 9 feet tall and he can shoot from anywhere on the court the only problem is he is not able to walk but he has a lot of upside. I think he will be a superstar in the NBA and he will surprise everyone with his ability to shoot baskets.

12 – Seattle – A very tall guy: I am not sure yet but I think it is very safe to say that Seattle will draft a very tall white guy and then he will suck a lot and then Seattle will give him a lot of money. I think that guy Nick Collison comes back next year but he sucks and he is a faggot.

13 – Portland – Kurt Schnyder: I watched him when he played for UNLV and he looked like a very quick player because he was tall and stuff like that. When he played against Seattle in the playoffs he was unstoppable and all the other scouts here just love him to death he is really good.

"Seven feet five inches of disappointment!"

14 – Utah – Rafael Araujo: Utah needs big people to play basketball for them and the way you do that is you draft them and then develop them but Utah doesn’t even need to develop this guy because he is that good I am for serious. Have you watched him play? He looks like a better version of Alec Kessler and oh my god I don’t even want to get into that he’s just good don’t worry about it.

15 – Boston – haha the Celtics sucks lol

16 – Utah – Utah just drafted someone I think I screwed this up hold on

17 – Atlanta – Jameer Nelson: I really like him because he is strong and his tattoos are sick! I saw him go right around some faggot playing for Massachussetts University and he broke his ankles and I told my buddy Snoot what an awesome move it was and he thought it was really good too that was an NBA move. I also think that Jason Terry sucks.

18 - New Orleans – Ben Gordon: I think the Hornets need a backup guard for Baron Davis and this guy is really good. I saw him play with Okafor and that guy was so good because Gordon is that good and they both are on the same team in college just to let you know.

19 – Miami – It doesn’t even matter who Miami takes because Wayne Dwyade is fucking awesome bro. He dunked over Jermaine O’Neil like it was fucking NOTHING. Have you ever seen anything like that? It was just awesome. As long as he keeps dunking on people then Miami can just ignore all of that depth that they don’t have. So I guess they draft some white loser lol.

"Hooray! Shortstack was able to reach the net! St. Joes wins!!

20 – Denver – Peter John Anthony Pope Ramos: He is really tall and Denver needs someone for Marcus Camby's ACL tear that he will have next year and he will be good insurance or something. Look for a big white european dude here.

21 – Utah – A white guy, not sure which one. He will probably be european though and I am pretty sure about that. Does anyone still want to play in Utah? It's pretty funny how nobody will play there except for these rookies who suck. I wonder if Jerry Sloan's wife got so sick of Utah that she killed herself.

22 - New Jersey – The Nets will draft Sebastian Telfair because he is awesome he can do all kinds of moves like around his head and stuff and I can't do that and neither can you. Have you seen him play on tv? He is awesome man I wish my team had him back when I was a GM do you know what I mean?

23 – Portland – Portland holds test every year where they stick all their potential draftees in a room with drugs, underage white girls, and alcohol. Whichever one can consume the most in the least amount of time becomes their draft pick. They do the same thing randomly throughout the league just for fun and sometimes trade for the winner.

24 – Boston – Robert Swift haha what a fucking geek I hope Boston has fun with him playing next to future all star Kendrick Perkins hahahaha!

25 – Boston – Boston says fuck it and drafts that Doral Wright guy to play next to Robert Swift and some other loser that Danny Ainge is in love with and they all die courtesy of Paul Pierce's stabbers and the whole franchise is put in the hands of another former Celtic: Bill Walton. No guards allowed!

26 – Sacramento – Sue Bird lol she's tougher than most of the guys on the Kings anyway haha but seriously who cares because I don't and I mean thats all I'm saying for real.

27 - LA Lakers – Lakers will trade this pick for either Labron James or Tracy MacGrady I am not sure yet but it will be one of those guys for Derek Fisher and this pick you heard it here first.

"This shit fucking sucks I can't wait to go home and play Everquest."

28 - San Antonio – God who cares I'm getting tired of this shit

29 – Indiana - Whatever I guess that Childress guy but I don't know.