NBA Draft Preview!
By: The Insider
Emilio’s note: The Insider is somewhat of a new writer we have
brought aboard to this site. He used to be an NBA GM back in the 1980’s
for a very prominent western conference team and he still has very tight
connections within the league. We here at NLU consider it a treat when
he finds the time to write for us.
Hello faithful readers of Niggas Like Us. I am in Europe right now scouting
a lot of prospects that are tall and can shoot really good so lets get
to it with who I think will end up being picked and everything ok?
1 - Orlando Magic - Eureka
Okafor: I really think that Okafor is a good player and that he
will become like Shaq in a year because he is really strong and
he can life a lot of weight over his head like a jack o lantern
box of crates have you seen him play last year he was amazing.
2 – Charlotte – Dwight Howard: I think
the Clippers take Super Christian Mega Superstar Dwight Howard here
because oh wait its Charlotte never mind let me do that over again
I think they still might take Howard though I’m not sure.
Anyway I don’t even think Charlotte has any players yet this
is kind of stupid why would you let them into the league without
players I don’t really understand that. Something tells me
Charlotte has something up their sleeve it’s just a gut feeling
"Not in my
3 – Chicago – Louie Deng: People always
say that Chicago needs a good player and he is a good player so that is
why I think they will take him and also he played for Duke and Duke really
sucks but Deng is pretty good because he only played at Duke for one year
so Coach Jerkjewski can’t screw him up that much.
4 - LA Clippers – The Clippers are probably just
going to not take anyone or trade this pick because I think they have
given up all hope and Donald Sterling might sell the pick for a piece
of cheesecake because he really likes cheesecake and Los Angeles but I
guess I’ll say umm I don’t know I’ll leave this blank
and get back to it later I mean it doesn’t even really matter really
oh wait I’ll say that Livingston kid he looks good.
5 – Washington – Michael Jordan: The Wizards
give up their pick and give it to Jordan. Jordan then gambles it away
on a horse that he has a good feeling on and the Wizards are stuck without
a pick. Jordan comes back and plays for another year until he is traded
to Sacramento for some soul food and a very special night with Tyra Banks.
Tyra takes pictures and sues Michael for $5 million 10 years later.
6 – Atlanta –
Atlanta gets in a fist fight over Dwight Howard with the Clippers
and whatever the Charlotte team is called. The Hawks trade away
one of their fists away to Charlotte, who ends up winning the fight.
Danny Ainge demands to be included in the trade as a salary cap
dump. Atlanta takes some other high school loser but it doesn’t
matter because they all fucking suck so lets just say it’s
that JR Smith guy ok?
7 – Phoenix – Devin Harris: The Suns
need a point guard pretty bad since Leandrininihobo Barbiebosa isn’t
really doing that good and that Milo Otis guy in Europe is not coming
over so they need Devin Harris who is not really a point guard but
he is pretty good I think.
8 – Toronto – Andre Bidriens: He is
really tall and he is white so he will go over very well with Toronto.
The Raptors love drafting 7-foot nobodies and then stashing them
away so nobody ever hears from them ever again.
"I am going
to take the NBA by storm with my perimeter game! When I dunk on
someone I say "CRUCIFIED!"
9 – Philadelphia – Reece Gaines: Since he
didn’t play last year I think Philadelphia will pick Reece Gaines
and then they will play him and make him a good point guard because Orlando
couldn’t do it. I also think that the 76ers will trade Allan Iverson
finally and he will go to Detroit for Cordless Williamson and someone
else I can’t say yet it’s a secret.
10 – Cleveland – Marko Battaglia: I saw him
play once here in Europe (don’t you remember I am in Europe watching
these guys play basketball duh) and he did really well he was really big
and he looked strong but that is what we in the business call “an
NBA body” I know you guys wouldn’t know that but that’s
ok that is why I am here after all so just trust me on this one.
11 - Golden State –
Pablo Podvokoziddde: He is almost 9 feet tall and he can shoot from
anywhere on the court the only problem is he is not able to walk
but he has a lot of upside. I think he will be a superstar in the
NBA and he will surprise everyone with his ability to shoot baskets.
12 – Seattle – A very tall guy: I am
not sure yet but I think it is very safe to say that Seattle will
draft a very tall white guy and then he will suck a lot and then
Seattle will give him a lot of money. I think that guy Nick Collison
comes back next year but he sucks and he is a faggot.
13 – Portland – Kurt Schnyder: I watched
him when he played for UNLV and he looked like a very quick player
because he was tall and stuff like that. When he played against
Seattle in the playoffs he was unstoppable and all the other scouts
here just love him to death he is really good.
five inches of disappointment!"
14 – Utah – Rafael Araujo: Utah needs big
people to play basketball for them and the way you do that is you draft
them and then develop them but Utah doesn’t even need to develop
this guy because he is that good I am for serious. Have you watched him
play? He looks like a better version of Alec Kessler and oh my god I don’t
even want to get into that he’s just good don’t worry about
15 – Boston – haha the Celtics sucks lol
16 – Utah – Utah just drafted someone I
think I screwed this up hold on
17 – Atlanta – Jameer Nelson:
I really like him because he is strong and his tattoos are sick!
I saw him go right around some faggot playing for Massachussetts
University and he broke his ankles and I told my buddy Snoot what
an awesome move it was and he thought it was really good too that
was an NBA move. I also think that Jason Terry sucks.
18 - New Orleans – Ben Gordon: I think the Hornets need a
backup guard for Baron Davis and this guy is really good. I saw
him play with Okafor and that guy was so good because Gordon is
that good and they both are on the same team in college just to
let you know.
19 – Miami – It doesn’t even matter who Miami
takes because Wayne Dwyade is fucking awesome bro. He dunked over
Jermaine O’Neil like it was fucking NOTHING. Have you ever
seen anything like that? It was just awesome. As long as he keeps
dunking on people then Miami can just ignore all of that depth that
they don’t have. So I guess they draft some white loser lol.
was able to reach the net! St. Joes wins!!
20 – Denver – Peter John Anthony Pope Ramos:
He is really tall and Denver needs someone for Marcus Camby's ACL tear
that he will have next year and he will be good insurance or something.
Look for a big white european dude here.
21 – Utah – A white guy, not sure which
one. He will probably be european though and I am pretty sure about that.
Does anyone still want to play in Utah? It's pretty funny how nobody will
play there except for these rookies who suck. I wonder if Jerry Sloan's
wife got so sick of Utah that she killed herself.
22 - New Jersey – The Nets will draft Sebastian
Telfair because he is awesome he can do all kinds of moves like around
his head and stuff and I can't do that and neither can you. Have you seen
him play on tv? He is awesome man I wish my team had him back when I was
a GM do you know what I mean?
23 – Portland – Portland holds test every
year where they stick all their potential draftees in a room with drugs,
underage white girls, and alcohol. Whichever one can consume the most
in the least amount of time becomes their draft pick. They do the same
thing randomly throughout the league just for fun and sometimes trade
for the winner.
24 – Boston –
Robert Swift haha what a fucking geek I hope Boston has fun with
him playing next to future all star Kendrick Perkins hahahaha!
25 – Boston – Boston says fuck it
and drafts that Doral Wright guy to play next to Robert Swift and
some other loser that Danny Ainge is in love with and they all die
courtesy of Paul Pierce's stabbers and the whole franchise is put
in the hands of another former Celtic: Bill Walton. No guards allowed!
26 – Sacramento – Sue Bird lol she's
tougher than most of the guys on the Kings anyway haha but seriously
who cares because I don't and I mean thats all I'm saying for real.
27 - LA Lakers – Lakers will trade this pick
for either Labron James or Tracy MacGrady I am not sure yet but
it will be one of those guys for Derek Fisher and this pick you
heard it here first.
fucking sucks I can't wait to go home and play Everquest."
28 - San Antonio – God who cares I'm getting tired
of this shit
29 – Indiana - Whatever I guess that Childress
guy but I don't know.