Chapter 3: My Moves

 

-The Pump Fake-

I use my legendary pump fakes to climb the 6 foot mountains known as point guards and continue on my quest to land on your morning highlight reels. It looks like Speedy Claxton just found out the hard way!

 

-The Hook Shot-

The hook shot has been a deadly weapon of mine for a few years now. When it's 'on' I can take over any game at any time. With my imposing size and deceptive strength and quickness I have an amazing advantage over other 'dominant' centers to begin with. I only break out the hook shot during crucial times of the game when the team needs that 110th point in garbage time so the fans can get their free chilupa.

 

-A Knack For Being Around The Ball-

Constantly being around the ball and knowing where it is at all times is something that just can't be taught. Whether I'm flailing about madly or tripping over my feet wearing these kadiddleboppers I always keep both eyes on the ball.

 

-Deceptive Speed-

It's really no secret that Vlade Divac, one of the NBA's brightest shining stars, is still one of the quickest centers in the NBA. I take great pleasure in telling you, the reader, that I shut that cocksucker down every chance I get. You better take that slow slap-the-bottom-of-the-backboard layup elsewhere because the ball won't be in your hands for long!

 

-The Double Clutch-

It is sometimes rather easy to forget that this generation has never seen a center quite like me before. How many other centers can boast such a skill set? The double clutch shot is something that I am very proud of and I can call it my own. I have spent upwards of 20 minutes a day working on this fine shot and is my newest weapon in this arsenal known as "All-NBA skills" which I have obtained through years of hard work.

 

-Shot Blocking Ability-

When I lunge at guards there is a reason behind it. Guards believe more and more nowadays that the paint is their domain. Nuh uh! If you drive in Shawn Bradley's lane you better have a signed and notorized note from Dr. Naismith or else you're going to get an errant elbow to your face! I make it look like it's a clumsy gesture but this is just my way around the "rules".

But tell me something, Los Angeles Lakers: I bet you wish you had some of that in the Finals!

 

-All-Around Great Guy-

The guys love me and so do the fans. And in turn, I truly love this game!