Ask Bill Walton!

Q: Firstly I would like to say you the web page is great and some of its sentences made me laught, so congratulations for that job.

Then I just want asked you if would be possible for you to do another same web-site but this time in spanish for the people who dont speak the Shakespeare language like me

Thanks for reed this mail

A: Dear Clueless Spanish Friend,

It's so wonderful to hear that I make you laugh. While I don't think of myself as a very humorous individual, I do like to think of myself as the ultimate intellectual! I sit around and just read about 1960's cuture for hours upon hours. Ask me anything about the Grateful Dead or washed up basketball legends, I dare you!

And no, it's not possible for me to do another "web-site" for the people who don't speak the "Shakespeare" language like you. Get with the program, Pedro!

Thanks for your reed this web-site.


Q: what up bill...just sent you in invite for the fantasy basketball league..the more losers that participate the sweeter the win for me....make it happen ASAP (today's the deadline)

A: Yes. Thank you.

However, I'm not a homosexual that participates in such faggotry.


Q: Mr. Walton,

What do you think about the opening of the season? I have to say flat out.... that this damn point guard Anthony Carter really stinks it up. He is the worst thing going... what were you and Emilio Escobar thoughts on Kobe's comments? Is Shaq going to respond with an anti rape campaign? Will Kobe continue mocking Shaq by donning a Grape Ape costume? Also, who would win a game of checkers between you and Emilio Escobar?

A: Dear Anonymous Fan,

I have to say that this season has definitely been one to remember. LeBron James has reminded me what it's like to be a man while I have been thoroughly disappointed by my son's showing with the Los Angeles Lakers. What a terrible showing by a Walton! I expected him to start once they find Rick Fox's body again.

What Anthony Carter did was just uncalled for. How can you forget such a thing! How do you forget to pick up your contract option? I always remember to pick everything up! Except for my crumbling feet when I attempt to walk normally!

I believe that Shaq will stay out of this situation because he is too busy trying to get more money out of the Laker organization. And why not? He only plays about 50 games a season for them nowadays.

Kobe will quit basketball to pursue a career as a hotel clerk in the very near future. The Red Roof Inn will outbid the Ramada Inn this summer for the free agent's services.

Who is Emilio Escobar?


Q: Bill -- I figured if anyone knew this, it would be you. I have exhausted my sources and can not find a store that sells a Lakers thong. Can you point me in the right direction? Thank you for your time.

A: You have to earn your Lakers thong. I don't think you're a big enough fan to be pointed in the right direction. Until you call Robert Horry the greatest inbounds passer in NBA history an astounding 650 times in one game you may not have the right to know.


Q: Where was Wally Zerbiak born?

A: On the injured list. He's having trouble moving away from home.


Thats all I have time for this week folks! Fantasy picks this week are Jamal Mashburn, Ray Allen, Brad Miller, Sam Cassell, and that funny looking white guy who plays for Denver.